It has been nearly a week since I left Bilbao, Spain and since arriving back to the MN, my life has sadly reverted back to being ordinary. Going from living in an extraordinary place with new friends, interesting places, and lots of partying to living in a praire town where I recieve small pleasures in making late night pizzas, drinking cheap beer, and watching baseball on cable tv is certainly a 180 degree turn around. My job takes up most of the day and, even though most people envy the fact that I am pretty much paid for sitting at a desk pretending to look busy for 8 hours a day, the task is actually a lot more difficult than one might expect.
The ability to look busy is not something just anyone can pull off. It does take a certain skill to be able to consistently look busy for three months straight. Although I may not be fooling everyone, I do think I have a certain mastery at this task. Call me a professional slacker if you will, but not everyone can slack like I do and still retain their job with a guarantee of a outstanding recommendation to follow. Following this straightforward tutorial, like me, you can take a nap, read sex tips from Cosmo, creep on Facebook, or even set up your own blog on a regular basis undetected.
1. Always volunteer to run errands, deliver messages, etc. : A little movement in between offices is always good during the day. This is the ideal time to text on the go, while still being productive. Make sure to look hurried leaving and entering the office (perhaps try to breath a little heavier when you get back to fake fast walking, wipe a little sweat from your brow, etc.), but always walk very, very slow when actually making the delivery. This guarantees a perfect amount of time to secure that nights party plans, catch up on some good gossip, or return a message.
2. Make sure to pick up all the bitch work : as much as you may complain about having to make coffee, wash dishes in the office, make copies, or fold or address letters, this too, is the perfect time to get some good personal communication in. Usually, doing this bitch work, you are placed in a secluded, unsupervised area where it is easy to make phone calls and text. Also, since these tasks usually take longer than delivering messages, it is an ideal place to have a consistent text conversation undetected.
3. Offer to type up letters, briefings, or schedules for your boss: this gives you unlimited computer time where you are then able to read articles, play computer games, or check up on the latest Facebook updates. ALWAYS make sure to have a half completed or fully completed document ready so you can pull it up in seconds if you detect someone who can view your screen. Also, it is handy to have a least three or four pieces of paper placed on the desk in front of you to make your desk look busy. I've had a calender and one budget paper sitting in front of me for three days and have been "editing" the same excel document this whole week and no one has said anything to me yet about it.
4. Offer to revise, double check, or scan budgets, briefings, letters, etc: If you have a print copy in front of you that involves you looking down at your desk or reading something, this is the perfect time to take a nap. Simply place your head in one hand, lean on the desk and shut eyes for a quick power nap. Also, if you have long hair, that can also be a shield so people don't see your shut eyes. Make sure to use the head in hand trick to avoid any possible head bobbing that is a dead give away of a sleeping worker.
5. Timing is everything: You can't use these tricks, especially the napping one, at any old time. Make sure to observe the office, notice when there are a lot or few people around you. For example, lunch time or late, Friday afternoons are ideal for these tricks, because it's guaranteed that most people, especially important people, are out of the office at this time. Summer office hours are a little more laid back, so some mornings are also great times to check the e-mail or chat a little.
I hope these tips make the work day a little more bearable. After all, no one actually strives for working in an office. The extra relaxation time is a great way to boost morale and reduces stress in even the most laid back offices. Enjoy!
*These tips are not guaranteed to be supervisor-proof. I do not take responsibility if you are caught and/or fired while using said tricks.
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